


We Keep Typing Anyway

by Ravenesta



Series: Alexander 'National Disaster' Hamilton [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Crack, Gen, Modern AU, Multi, Texting, actual 12 and a half year old alexander hamilton, george washington lafayette gets the oscar, mild to severe chronic swearing, the ongoing adventures of french bread themed sex products
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5580136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenesta/pseuds/Ravenesta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's something to be said for Amazon's two day shipping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Keep Typing Anyway

**A. HAM**  
john  
JOHN  
J O H N

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
what?? what's wrong???

 **A. HAM**  
you know i wouldnt kill someone right  
like totally not a thing i would do  
or a thing i have ever done  
you dont think im a murderer right john??

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
yes  
no  
what?  
I think???  
I hope  
Alex do we need to have a talk?

 **A. HAM**  
like just bc im a lawyer  
and i totally COULD murder someone and get away with it  
doesnt mean i WOULD  
but burr  
that motherfucker  
we need to keep our eyes on him

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
Oh, liza showed you How to Get Away With Murder didnt she?

 **A. HAM**  
i really feel for keating tbh  
and wes

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
you would, wouldnt you  
wait,  
alex, you do realize that Burr is WAY more likely to get away with murder than you right

 **A. HAM**  
EXPLAIN.

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
well  
aaron is the walking definition of "tall, dark and mysterious"  
and you can't lie for shit, or cover your own ass  
someone would accuse you of petty theft and youd immediately write a 60000 word blog post explaining why you couldnt have committed the theft because you were busy murdering someone

 **A. HAM**  
please stop out-logicing me it makes me uncomfortable  
aLSO I STRONGLY OBJECT to you calling him "aaron" GOD it doesnt sound RIGHT  
and dont call him "tall dark and mysterious" that has the implication of "attractive love interest in a bodice ripper"

  
**J LAW(RENS)**  
aww, don't worry alex, i still think you're the prettiest

 **A. HAM**  
<3

* * *

 

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
Alexander Hamilton you LIED TO ME

 **A. HAM**  
youre gonna have to be more specific

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
You told me that 'out-logicing' was a correct English verb  
Our dear Laurens has just informed me that this is not the case

 **A. HAM**  
ah

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
I am deeply hurt by this betrayal, Alexander  
so is adrienne  
george simply doesnt know what to do  
[[GWASHII.JPG]](http://definenova.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/sad-kid1.jpg)

 **A. HAM**  
gil did you just get george to pose dramatically in front of a window for this  
hes actually a good actor he looks like a traumatized war vet  
fucking burr about to tell a melodramatic war story  
"out in the field.." like shut the fuck up dude washington fired you after like a week

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
Yes, exactly, you see how you have hurt him?

 **A. HAM**  
does george even speak english

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
He is learning! He will be able to say 'hello' by the time we next visit, probably!

 **A. HAM**  
so when can i teach him how to call tjeffs a fuckwad

* * *

 

 **A. HAM**  
i can hear the screaming from down the hall  
i take it you got my little present?

 **T JEFFS**  
iyt hbudhbwebhdzb HG H UNFEBHNJHBHB

 **A. HAM**  
ok wow  
wHOAH WHAT WAS THAT CRASH  
DID U JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT THE WALL  
OK YOU SOUND VERY ANGRY THERES REALLY NO NEED TO COME OUT OF YOUR OFFICE  
WE CAN DO THIS OVER TWITTER OR SOMETHING LIKE PERFECTLY MATURE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS PLEASE DONT CHKJNKKNKJ KSZ

* * *

 

 **GEORGE MOTHHERFUCKING WASHINGTON**  
Do… do I want to know what just happened in there?  
I would've come in to check, but I didn't want another incident like the one with Laurens…  
Alexander.  
Confirm you're alive, or I'm sending Adams to check on you.

 **A. HAM**  
IM FINE, SIR  
no need to resort to drastic measures, god  
i just gave tjeffs a little present  
and he didnt react so nicely

please dont ever threaten me with interaction with john adams  
thats just cruel, sir

 **GEORGE MOTHERFUCKING WASHINGTON**  
Oh, God. Here we go.

* * *

 

 **BURR(SIR)**  
A… baguette themed condom? Really? I'm not sure whether to be disgusted, annoyed, or just impressed.

 **A. HAM**  
ah, so it admits to feeling emotions?? fascinating  
but yeah  
i figure its the closest he can get to literally fucking france

 **BURR(SIR)**  
Where did you even get it?

 **A. HAM**  
laurens

 **BURR(SIR)**  
Ah.  
Wait, it wasn't opened, right?

 **A. HAM**  
why, burr, thats FILTHY  
no it wasnt opened  
laurens was smart enough to buy two

 **BURR(SIR)**  
Every conversation I have with you is a whole new form of bizzare torture.

 **A. HAM**  
all the more reason to actively support the anti-torture bill weve been trying to get through is it REALLY THAT MUCH EFFORT TO STAND UP FOR BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS YOU SICK FUCK

* * *

 

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
Alexander?

 **A. HAM**  
oui oui

 **BIG BAGUETTE**  
I cannot help but notice  
that when I accused you of lying to me  
you said that I would need to be more specific.  
What else, precisely, have you been lying about?

Alexander?

Alex?

* * *

 

 **J LAW(RENS)**  
So when are we going to tell laf that it was you and not Burr who shot him in the ass that one time?

 **A. HAM**  
no

**Author's Note:**

> I LIVE  
> survived finals, cried a little, slept through christmas, but i LIVE
> 
> ok so:  
> 1\. the baguette condom [exists](http://www.amazon.com/Eat-My-Baguette-Novelty-Condom/dp/B00BY3IYG4/) as ive learned thanks to the wonderful [nifeandaccurate](http://nifeandaccurate.tumblr.com/), and please, if you go look at it, take a gander down at the "customers who viewed this item also viewed" section. please.
> 
> 2\. i dont respond to comments on fics usually bc i get nervous but i swear to god every time i get one on this series i scream a little bit and am usually in a bizarrely peppy mood for the rest of the day so thank you??? so much??? these are so fucking fun to write and i get really excited when other people are enjoying it too????
> 
> 3\. as always if u wanna have a Legit Convo or just wanna repeat "dick bread" over and over in various tones i can be found over on tumblr @ vicesandvipers


End file.
